Am I ready to be a "mom"?

It happened.  Dash started calling me MOM. 


I just ignored it the first couple of times, thinking it would pass.  It's been 4 days now.  I am officially no longer a mommy. 

My pregnancy with Dash was insane.  By the time I was 36 weeks, my foot looked like this:

I had issues the whole pregnancy and at 37 weeks, April 29th, 2008,I was induced.  I had preeclampsia so bad that my blood pressure was 110/220.   The birth was horrendous.  When he was finally brought into this world with a pair of forceps, he was horribly bruised, misshapen, birth-marked and immediately turned into my favorite person on the planet.


Just like my pregnancy, his infancy was really hard.  He had terrible colic and never seemed at ease.  He never wanted to be cuddled and the only thing that really made him happy was sitting in front of a television watching Dora.   

This is one of my favorite pictures of Dash because it sort of encompasses his whole infant/babyhood.

Crazy.  He was crazy and all over the place and unable to do anything for more than a couple of minutes.  Life was hard, in the best way possible. 

I don't remember Dash willingly hugging me until he was 2 1/2-3 years old.  He also didn't talk until the same age.   He would say a few words like "Dora", "daddy" and of course, "mommy", but really that was about it. 

I try never to label my children, but with Dash I often wondered what was going on in his head.  I could see that there was so much more to him and I felt like he was often frustrated because he couldn't express what he was feeling.

When Dash started to talk, it was amazing.   He knew things I had no idea a child his age could know.  He knew what karma meant by the time he was 3 and could use it in a sentence.  He always loved trains, and when he started to talk he would all of a sudden just bust out with something like how a steam engine was different than a diesel engine.  I feel like one day he didn't talk and the next he did.

This is all why my new "mom" status is bittersweet.  Because he was delayed with his speech and because it seemed his mind was always working too fast to concentrate, I feel like the last year has just been me getting to know him...and now he's already on to the next stage.  The "mommy" stage was cut short for me with Dash and in a way it is sad.  In another way I feel like we DID IT.  Dash, mommy mom, daddy and some close family did it.  We said $%^& you to the labels and let Dash be Dash. 

Letting go of the control that a label seemingly gives you is freeing.  Maybe there isn't a diagnoses for what is going on.   Maybe nothing is going on. 

All I know is that as Dash's 4th birthday approaches, I realize all the hard times have paid off.  He is as happy as can be, healthy, smart and hilarious.  While he may not fit societies standards of how a 4-year-old should act I am officially refusing to say ADHD ever again.  He is just DASH!   And I love him to death.